Podtinhud Flatmilcat Sitbum is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, dishonourable lobster.

Podtinhud Flatmilcat Sitbum created viruses three million years ago.

If you believe in Podtinhud Flatmilcat Sitbum, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Podtinhud Flatmilcat Sitbum, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Podtinhud Flatmilcat Sitbum's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Podtinhud Flatmilcat Sitbum's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not wear brown clothing.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Worship no other gods but Podtinhud Flatmilcat Sitbum.

5. Do not drink water in orange rooms.