Kaptettibud is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witless fairy.

Kaptettibud created vertebrates eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kaptettibud, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kaptettibud, he will turn you into a dog.

Kaptettibud's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Kaptettibud's Holy Commandments

1. Kaptettibud must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never laugh near whales.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Kaptettibud loves tapirs, so they must be respected.