Xemfunfon Honcutcud is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, vain mink.

Xemfunfon Honcutcud created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemfunfon Honcutcud, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Xemfunfon Honcutcud, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xemfunfon Honcutcud's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Xemfunfon Honcutcud's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white bats, for they are unholy.

2. Do not wear gold on your body.

3. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.