Gigabtan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, witless warg.

Gigabtan created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gigabtan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gigabtan, he will turn you into a plant.

Gigabtan's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Gigabtan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear pink dresses.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Hide from green otters for they are unholy.