Gonfunciss is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, caring jaguar.

Gonfunciss created the Black Eye Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonfunciss, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gonfunciss, it will turn you into a duck.

Gonfunciss' most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Gonfunciss' Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

2. Never feed tomatoes to rats while wearing orange trousers.

3. Do not eat corn.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.