Quarthatlit is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, temperamental donkey.

Quarthatlit created dark energy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Quarthatlit, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quarthatlit, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Quarthatlit's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Quarthatlit's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Quarthatlit on top of all buildings.

2. Never eat bread.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quarthatlit.

5. Do not hurt hamsters.