Cutponzed is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, witty wren.

Cutponzed created humankind five billion years ago.

If you believe in Cutponzed, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cutponzed, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Cutponzed's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Cutponzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat limes.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Pray towards the south.