Cibnurtgundaphab is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, unthoughtful donkey.

Cibnurtgundaphab created dark energy two years ago.

If you believe in Cibnurtgundaphab, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Cibnurtgundaphab, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cibnurtgundaphab's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Cibnurtgundaphab's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat grapes.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cibnurtgundaphab.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never wear brown jumpers.

5. Never talk about fire.