Pangfitzan is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, tiresome snake.

Pangfitzan created a top quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Pangfitzan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pangfitzan, she will turn you into a frog.

Pangfitzan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Pangfitzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Never run near swans.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Pangfitzan loves geese, so they must be respected.

5. Never think ill of sick ants.