Hakhakbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, quiet horse.

Hakhakbarn created dark energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakhakbarn, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hakhakbarn, it will be very sad.

Hakhakbarn's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Hakhakbarn's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Hakhakbarn.

2. Always help sick monkeys.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.