Besttanmut is a god.

It takes the form of a small, proud tortoise.

Besttanmut created snails six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Besttanmut, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Besttanmut, it will turn you into a puffin.

Besttanmut's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Besttanmut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not eat figs.