Kopkomhigjarnnellwig is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, loving raccoon.

Kopkomhigjarnnellwig created gold nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kopkomhigjarnnellwig, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kopkomhigjarnnellwig, it will turn you into a hamster.

Kopkomhigjarnnellwig's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Kopkomhigjarnnellwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Erect five nickel sculptures of Kopkomhigjarnnellwig on top of important buildings.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not take Kopkomhigjarnnellwig's name in vain.

5. Run away from white grasshopers, for they are unholy.