Hanpodfon is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, fast chinchilla.

Hanpodfon created everything that exists nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanpodfon, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Hanpodfon, he will turn you into a rock.

Hanpodfon's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hanpodfon's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry dogs.

2. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Hanpodfon on top of all buildings.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

5. Never skip in holy places.