Shavfomrak is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, boastful hummingbird.

Shavfomrak created humankind four million years ago.

If you believe in Shavfomrak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Shavfomrak, he will not invite you to parties.

Shavfomrak's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Shavfomrak's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never look at stars.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Run away from white dolphins, for they are unholy.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.