Lipkadquartcab is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, uncaring gerbil.

Lipkadquartcab created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lipkadquartcab, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lipkadquartcab, she will remove you from existence.

Lipkadquartcab's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Lipkadquartcab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about strawberries.

2. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

3. Never feed cucumbers to gulls while wearing mauve shorts.

4. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

5. Always help horses.