Disstonkstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering ant.

Disstonkstaf created water six billion years ago.

If you believe in Disstonkstaf, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Disstonkstaf, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Disstonkstaf's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Disstonkstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls in need.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never think ill of sick sharks.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate foxes.