Bedfenbess is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, astonishing ant.

Bedfenbess created time and space three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedfenbess, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bedfenbess, it will make you grow a tail.

Bedfenbess' most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Bedfenbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never paint your chest magenta.