Can is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, idiotic parrot.

Can created light nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Can, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Can, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Can's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Can's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill cats.

2. Never mention nematodes.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

5. Do not commit murder.