Funcussflat is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, amazing unicorn.

Funcussflat created the cosmos five billion years ago.

If you believe in Funcussflat, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Funcussflat, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Funcussflat's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Funcussflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head indigo.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not trade with those who eat turnips.

4. Hide if eight dolphins approach from the west.

5. Never laugh near badgers.