Tifwapbim is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, merciful walrus.

Tifwapbim created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifwapbim, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tifwapbim, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tifwapbim's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tifwapbim's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat wheat.

2. Never eat bark.

3. You must pray to Tifwapbim five times a day.

4. Do not take Tifwapbim's name in vain.

5. Never talk about galaxies.