Dimsagnilwab is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, benevolent porpoise.

Dimsagnilwab created a photon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dimsagnilwab, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dimsagnilwab, he will manifest in front of you.

Dimsagnilwab's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Dimsagnilwab's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

2. Erect six iron sculptures of Dimsagnilwab on top of important buildings.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never hurt shrews.

5. Do not shave your legs.