Farnkinhamtaptab Bamfendob is a god.

He takes the form of a large, dishonest beaver.

Farnkinhamtaptab Bamfendob created a strange quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Farnkinhamtaptab Bamfendob, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Farnkinhamtaptab Bamfendob, he will make you grow a tail.

Farnkinhamtaptab Bamfendob's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Farnkinhamtaptab Bamfendob's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Never laugh in the presence of mites.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

5. Never look in ponds.