Jattif is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, able sheep.

Jattif created life seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jattif, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jattif, he will jump up and down on your head.

Jattif's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Jattif's Holy Commandments

1. Jattif must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Run away if four gulls approach from the south.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jattif.