Arnzaghogpandap is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, slow meerkat.

Arnzaghogpandap created the solar system six million years ago.

If you believe in Arnzaghogpandap, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Arnzaghogpandap, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Arnzaghogpandap's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Arnzaghogpandap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

2. Never feed lentils to rats while wearing magenta shirts.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Arnzaghogpandap loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.