Quattonkyam is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, generous crocodile.

Quattonkyam created the planet Venus three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quattonkyam, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quattonkyam, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Quattonkyam's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Quattonkyam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always wear turquoise.

4. Always help eagles.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.