Tonkquatdun is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, contented capybara.

Tonkquatdun created a charm quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkquatdun, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tonkquatdun, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tonkquatdun's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Tonkquatdun's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet cyan.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Tonkquatdun must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.