Wankabmit is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, bad-tempered guinea pig.

Wankabmit created Africa five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wankabmit, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Wankabmit, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Wankabmit's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Wankabmit's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never mention hamsters.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

5. Run away if four pigs approach from the north.