Cepyarlmum is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, unthoughtful monkey.

Cepyarlmum created time and space eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cepyarlmum, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Cepyarlmum, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Cepyarlmum's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Cepyarlmum's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never talk about nebulae.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.