Nartcudtim is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, selfish squirrel.

Nartcudtim created an electron five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartcudtim, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nartcudtim, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Nartcudtim's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Nartcudtim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

3. Always help monkeys in need.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.