Haslikvad is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, temperamental tortoise.

Haslikvad created a photon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Haslikvad, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Haslikvad, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Haslikvad's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Haslikvad's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Haslikvad.

2. Haslikvad loves dogs, so they must be respected.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Haslikvad.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Do not dye your hair red.