Hakcunfen is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unselfish hippopotamus.

Hakcunfen created the planet Mars seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hakcunfen, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hakcunfen, he will try to impress you with trees.

Hakcunfen's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Hakcunfen's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four aardvarks approach from the east.

2. Always help mites in need.

3. You must love Hakcunfen.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Manatees are unholy and should not be approached.