Satlakgodveen Dodfotfud is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, annoying donkey.

Satlakgodveen Dodfotfud created a down quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Satlakgodveen Dodfotfud, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Satlakgodveen Dodfotfud, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Satlakgodveen Dodfotfud's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Satlakgodveen Dodfotfud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Run away if five porpoises approach from the west.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never go into black rooms.