Zodzedyim Safhitzog is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, duplicitous gorilla.

Zodzedyim Safhitzog created the world twelve years ago.

If you believe in Zodzedyim Safhitzog, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zodzedyim Safhitzog, it will manifest in front of you.

Zodzedyim Safhitzog's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Zodzedyim Safhitzog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never feed tomatoes to ducks while wearing pink kilts.