Orttabflap Tinbumvig is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, omnipotent crocodile.

Orttabflap Tinbumvig created matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Orttabflap Tinbumvig, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Orttabflap Tinbumvig, it will throw large rocks at you.

Orttabflap Tinbumvig's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Orttabflap Tinbumvig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill aardvarks.

2. Never talk about stars.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.