Artladrip is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, cheerful cow.

Artladrip created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Artladrip, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Artladrip, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Artladrip's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Artladrip's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Artladrip.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always look after injured moths.

4. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

5. Feed all hungry voles.