Hanlaplarg is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, witty ferret.

Hanlaplarg created the Milkyway four years ago.

If you believe in Hanlaplarg, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hanlaplarg, he will turn you into a puffin.

Hanlaplarg's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Hanlaplarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about peanuts.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not jump in public.