Yartnillimspag is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, ruthless jaguar.

Yartnillimspag created parasitic wasps eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yartnillimspag, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Yartnillimspag, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Yartnillimspag's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Yartnillimspag's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven tin sculptures of Yartnillimspag on top of important buildings.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never talk about swans.