Fummotquart is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, charitable monkey.

Fummotquart created dark matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fummotquart, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fummotquart, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fummotquart's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Fummotquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about galaxies.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Run away from black hamsters, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

5. Always make sure there are no mice in a room before entering it.