Barnhabhap is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, charitable ant.

Barnhabhap created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnhabhap, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Barnhabhap, he will turn you into a puffin.

Barnhabhap's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Barnhabhap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not dye your hair orange.

4. Feed all hungry whales.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.