Kamwabjan is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, dishonest manatee.

Kamwabjan created light nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kamwabjan, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kamwabjan, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Kamwabjan's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Kamwabjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never talk about sheep.

4. Always help dolphins.

5. Feed all hungry horses.