Quartingjip is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, quiet dog.

Quartingjip created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartingjip, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Quartingjip, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Quartingjip's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Quartingjip's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick goats.

2. You must pray to Quartingjip eight times a day.

3. Never think about amino acids.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Do not chop down trees.