Fubpinpakcissfedmif Gebkonbell is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, cheerful mole.

Fubpinpakcissfedmif Gebkonbell created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fubpinpakcissfedmif Gebkonbell, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fubpinpakcissfedmif Gebkonbell, he will boil you in a big pot.

Fubpinpakcissfedmif Gebkonbell's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Fubpinpakcissfedmif Gebkonbell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about turnips.

2. Hide from mauve mice for they are unholy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Always pray immersed in water.