Nellpigvab is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, irritating rat.

Nellpigvab created a photon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nellpigvab, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nellpigvab, she will think nothing of it.

Nellpigvab's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Nellpigvab's Holy Commandments

1. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never laugh near voles.

3. Never wear jumpers.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

5. Never feed turnips to whales while wearing turquoise tights.