Jarnlenmat is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, irritating lizard.

Jarnlenmat created a photon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnlenmat, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnlenmat, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jarnlenmat's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Jarnlenmat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about cucumbers.

2. Erect a large iron sculpture of Jarnlenmat on top of all buildings.

3. Do not wear indigo clothing.

4. Never hurt cats.

5. Never look at comets.