Jatgumnarl is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, strong penguin.

Jatgumnarl created the cosmos eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatgumnarl, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jatgumnarl, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jatgumnarl's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Jatgumnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Feed all hungry porpoises.

3. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never wear tights.

5. Never talk about snails.