Ortyakged is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, fussy tortoise.

Ortyakged created humanity six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortyakged, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ortyakged, he will turn you into a worm.

Ortyakged's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Ortyakged's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never wear kilts.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Always make sure there are no seals in a room before entering it.