Xingatgab is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, bad-tempered rat.

Xingatgab created a quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Xingatgab, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Xingatgab, she will refuse to believe in you.

Xingatgab's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Xingatgab's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Xingatgab.

2. Put Xingatgab first in all things.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate horses.

4. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Xingatgab on top of all buildings.

5. Never talk about fire.