Bophabjarnstaf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, witless mink.

Bophabjarnstaf created a charm quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bophabjarnstaf, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bophabjarnstaf, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bophabjarnstaf's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Bophabjarnstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never talk about comets.

4. Erect a large lead sculpture of Bophabjarnstaf on top of all buildings.

5. Gulls are not to be trusted.