Jonhaddot is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, sapient bird.

Jonhaddot created a quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonhaddot, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jonhaddot, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Jonhaddot's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Jonhaddot's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Jonhaddot must be the most important thing in your life.