Hatkabcab is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, merciless grasshopper.

Hatkabcab created time and space seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hatkabcab, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hatkabcab, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Hatkabcab's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Hatkabcab's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise aardvarks for they are unholy.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.